There are always people to hang out at the Casasola residence, but they never come to hang out with me. 

So blessed.

Thank you Lord. Its been a battle, but thanks to your Grace I got in. I am nothing without you, regardless of any inkling of accomplishments. :)

For the first time in months

          My parents have required me to do manual labor, namely mowing the lawn. in this wonderful spring season I have incurred  an allergic response. In the wonderful world of cellular biology the Ige antibodies have become bound to mast cells leading to a release of histamine. The dilation of blood vessels has lead to sneezing, runny noses, tearing eyes, and breathing difficulty. Finally I will take a shower and hopefully mitigate this response. 

My Deep Desire

has always been to have a Doggy. They make my heart melt. I don’t care how masculine it is to have a dog, but I have always wanted one. I’d honestly rather have a dog than a marriage sometimes. But maybe that’s a little too much. Every time I have gotten a dog something has happened. Either I was too immature at the time or it bit my sister. I guess I just want that idyllic setting in which my dog and I have a deep embrace and I tackled by the love and loyalty only Man’s Best Friend can reciprocate.

Checking Out

Educationally I am gone. I have been working so hard this year. Just one more test and it will be freedom. 

Whilst Talking to a Friend

I accidentally set off the car alarm at 10 o’clock outside of my friends parents house. I couldn’t turn it off for a couple minutes. Awks. Good thing the parents didnt come out.

One of the best things this year

is having multiple facebook sites for my various classes -an Agi*lity, SADD, Peer Leader, APUSH, AP Bio, and AP English- because of the camaraderie and fellowship fostered among the students. A stupid Calculus Joke to AP Study tips reigns. Complaining about Klair’s antics or the severity of the classes. There is no better source of progress than collaboration. 

Good Day.

I haven’t had a good day like this. Good but in a different way. Good and inspiring. I don’t really know how to explain it. You would think that a huge AP Calc. exam would put a dent in my energy but surprisingly, it didn’t. That is two out of five AP tests done. And after, making food with my girls and then studying with the others. I had a great time. Talking about plans for next year, getting to know what I have to work with. Talking and just talking and enjoying friends’ company. Truly  blessed and reminded that things aren’t bad at all. Im just a little wuss sometimes.

Role Identity vs. Confusion

Once again, the archetypal teenage deal according to Erikson, which is finding oneself among his adolescent years. Its weird, because in the midst of my adolescence I am finding myself struggle with who I am. Typical, right? It manifests everywhere. Starting with my roles as a person. Christian, AP student, crazy friend, loving son. But which one is me? Even Charles told me that he noticed that when I sing I tend to take the voice of the one singing it, whether that be Chris Quilala, Jad Gillies, etc. When I dance too I don’t know who I am. What is my style. What I excel at. I guess the reason why I have been choreographing so much is because I want to find out who I really am and how it manifests through dancing. 

Well my current endeavor is one not limited by any parameters or expectations. It is me and I can’t wait for the finished product to unveil.

Every Fifteen Minutes: My Experience

I’ll be honest. I wanted to be the one to die. I wanted to be the one in the crash, airlifted away or Killed on Impact. But I wasn’t. It wasn’t God’s plan for me. I guess that’s a good thing too, because I wanted to die for the wrong reasons. Sure I knew that people knew me and me dying would impact the Chaparral Family, but that’s exactly why I wanted to die. I wanted people to mourn me. I wanted their attention. I don’t like admitting this but I have a big ego. I like it when people notice me. And how else could people notice me other than my thousands of flyers throughout the school? By dying in a brutal car crash in front of thousands of my peers. 

So I guess it was good that I wasn’t part of the dead. The attention would just build my oh-so-growing pride. 

So today, I just wanted to serve in the most needed capacity. I was to be a wall to block mayhem. People were jerks, with snide questions and questionable bean dips, a small nuisance nothing less, but when the actual even started, even though I had been through the statistics hundreds of times, been through the scenarios, gone up and down about car crashes and Distracted Driving, I hadn’t realized the actual severity.Looking at the mom face her daughter, or a confused Garchea stumble across a straight line made me anxious. I tried so hard to intellectualize the entire event, but the truth is Human Empathy is stronger than you think. Seeing my friend Ryan be taken from my class third period, his obituary read, and then put back in 5th period a ghost of his former self certainly made an impact for me. 

So I wasn’t to be a major part of the program. Perhaps it was a better thing. Perhaps it was better for me not to participate and to just experience the program for what it was.